New Years//Time For Change

New Years resolutions suck. You sit down at the beginning of the year and write out a list of things that you want to improve, or something new you want to try, or something you might want to give up. Then (for most of us anyway) after 2, maybe 3 weeks we forget about them or just give up, I know I do both. For three years now I have made lists of things I want to achieve and I haven't done any of them. And that makes me feel crap. They've been nothing big, and not of any benefit to me as a person so I just sort of tell myself that it doesn't matter if I don't do them, and I think that's the problem, for me anyway. They weren't big enough, they wouldn't of made an impact, they wouldn't of made me a better person, or make a difference to my life, or anyone else's life. There was no motivation behind it, and no prize at the finish line. 

So this year I want to try something different. Lately iv been thinking about areas of my life that I want to change, not because there particularly bad or anything, just things that iv noticed in myself that just make me think 'come on Holly, you can do better than that!' So iv whittled it down to two things that I most want to change, that would not only make me happier but the people around me happier too. 1) I'm a quitter 2) I wish too much.

So number 1, Iv never finished anything apart from school and even that was sketchy for a while. I'll start tidying my room, then stop halfway through, leaving it more of a mess than I started. I'll start a project then not finish it. I once had a job which I quit before I was supposed too. I say I'll do things then I don't, I have all these grand ideas for things I want to do but I never do them. I make detailed lists of the steps I need to take to achieve a goal and get half way then just stop. Most of the time I know I won't do what ever it is I'm thinking of so I just stop before it even begins. It so frustrating, and I know I'm doing it and i get so angry at myself for quitting, again. So this year I want to focus on being a finisher. I want to complete the goals I set myself, I want to be able to look back and think, 'Wow, look at all the things iv done, and the goals iv smashed and actually finished!' I want to be able to make a list and tick everyone off. I want to finish big things, like finally setting up shop and loosing all the weight iv gained in America (I'm not even looking at the scales till I get home!) and all the small things like, tidying my room and finishing a craft project. Iv been reading Adulting: How To Become A Grown-Up In 468 Easy-ish Steps, and it is amazing! This book will be my little life guide from now on. It's so simple when you think about it and half the things I already know, but to see it written down in front of you makes it click in your brain. Iv already learnt so much from it (definitely check it out if your after some life coaching) and it was this book that made me realise how much of a quitter I was, but I know I can change it round. This is the year!

Number 2, I wish too much. I only realised this this week. Whilst staying in Chicago iv been going to church with the couple I'm staying with and even though I'm a Christian, I haven't been living it for quite a while. It's been weird because it's felt alien and normal at the same time, but the preacher said something one night that can be said for anyone no matter what you believe. I can't remember the exact words he used but basically it was:

'We will get to where were going, we just have to remember to enjoy the now'

That really struck home for me. My mum has always told me 'don't wish your life away' and iv always thought that I don't, but I do, so badly. When I think back on conversations iv had with people I can hear myself say 'I just wish I had a house' 'I just wish I was married' 'I just wish I was in America' 'I just wish I was back home' 'I just want the next thing to start now' but what about the now!? I'm In America and I wish I was back home? How crazy is that?! I wish I had a house (that's the most common sentence to come out of my mouth) but what about now? I'm living with the best dad in the world and I have a new brother who I get to watch grow up! I'm stupid to wish that away while it lasts. I wish I was married...well I do, but right now were having the time of our lives, not tide down with any bills or commitments, we can do what we like, why should I wish for more and not enjoy what I have. It doesn't mean I don't want these things, but I need to learn to enjoy the journey on the way to them. They will happen, I know they will, but they haven't happened yet and today is happening now and I'm missing it.

So I'm really excited for this year, I'm going to quit quitting and stop wishing time away. Do you have any resolutions or equivalent, made for 2014? Share a link in the comments and I'll be sure to check them out! 

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