16.4.12

We had some good times...


So today I did the number one thing that you shouldn't do when your feeling a little lonely. I looked at all my past photos on facebook. Not good. I was reminded of all the people that I don't see anymore, people I miss and people that meant so much to me but now mean nothing and it made me so sad. Not in a boo-hoo-I-cant-stop-crying sad but in a way that I was thinking what if everything had worked out differently? what have I missed? Did I really need to do the things I did and did I really make all the right choices? I was sad for the times that had been so perfect and brilliant that had some how gotten broken by ruff patches later on, but I was so happy that I had those perfect moments captured in picture, so no matter how sad I feel I can look back on those happy moments and remember that not everything was ruined, that perfect moment still exists.

Then I realized something. Even if I had made the wrong decision, and the things I did were wrong and everything would of been fine, I wouldn't be where I am now. Sure I might of ended up here anyway, but at the time I didn't know where I was going or even where I wanted to be. In doing what I did I have found out more about myself than I have in the 22 years I've been alive. I have loved this new part of my journey and I have enjoyed every second learning about myself and growing up into this new person who I love with all my heart. I have always believed in no regrets, no regrets because if you didn't do what you did you wouldn't be here now, and I think I lost that. I was starting to regret certain things that  I had done because I didn't know how or who else to be and I was scared I was going to loose my way. But I didn't, and that is one of the reasons why I can come away from facebook and come away from my thoughts and feelings that stir my heart and my head into such a confusing mess that I can't think straight, and be thankful those perfect moments, be thankful for those lovely, beautiful people that touched my life, no matter how briefly, and smile and cry and laugh and then wipe away the tears and look to the future and know that I will be okay. I will be okay.

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